It happens all the time:
“Sweetheart, I have 17 bridesmaids. I need you to find a few more friends.”
“I really want to ask my favorite cousin to stand up with me, but then I need to ask them all.”
“I really only have two close friends but I don’t want everyone to know that.”
“My brother is dating someone, but what if they break up? I don’t want her in all my pictures!”
“My college roommate can’t make it to the wedding, now I have to ask someone to fill her place.”
Stop the madness ya’ll!
Gone are the days of strict wedding traditions and expectations. Most wedding guests would prefer to leave a wedding saying “that was so THEM” than “*yawn* same as every other wedding I have been to this season”. This applies to every aspect of your wedding, not just the wedding party. But today, that is what we will be focusing on.
So you have a friend whose wedding you were in 5 years ago, or maybe your mom thinks you should ask your second cousin because mom likes her more than your sorority sister, or you have 3 brothers who are all married… whatever the case may be, there will always be those people you “should” include in your wedding party.
Ask yourself two questions:
1. Will this person make me more or less confident and comfortable on my wedding day?
2. Do I currently have a relationship with this person that is at the level of “in my bridesmaid photos forever”?
If the answer to either of those questions causes you to be unsure about asking that person, then don’t ask that person. Simple.
Opposites attract… amiright? This means there is a good chance that one of you is an introvert with a close circle and the other has 3,489 “besties”. Even if you are both on the same side of the social spectrum, it is unlikely that you both have the same number in mind when you think of your most important people. I can almost guarantee that this number will be off by one or two people on either side. So what’s the big deal? Have one side stand closer together than the other during the ceremony. Have one dude escort two ladies (he will love it). Heck, have two guys walk together if you need to! Trust me, I have seen it done, and your guests will love the humorous opportunities that are bond to occur. Worried about the photos? Give your photographer a heads up and they will make it work! They are artists, after all.
Your bridal party should accurately represent your closest friend group, if one of you has a lot of good friends of the opposite gender, why not include some of them? Maybe there is a sibling you cannot imagine not standing right next to you on the wedding day. Don’t let “tradition” get in the way of that awesome bond! Whatever the case may be, include your people. There are so many ways to make this situation look awesome and be the best experience for everyone!
Here’s the bottom line: Honey, this is YOUR wedding day. Yes, you have to find a way to navigate awkward dynamics and be kind to all the people in your life. But you should absolutely be completely comfortable on your wedding day. I believe the wedding party is the largest contributing factor to your overall experience. Consult your friends and family for advice on how to smooth things over or find different ways to include important people in your big day… but you do not need to follow their instructions about who you should ask to stand up with you on the most important day of your life.
The Best Day Details was founded by Emily DeRitter as the wedding coordination service for the DIY bride. Wondering what a wedding coordinator actually does? They are your go-to for getting things done. Set-up and tear-down guru. Expert people manager. Your eyes and ears monitoring the party to ensure each and every guest has a wonderful time. Task rabbit. Runner. Reminds you of everything you will forget and helps you forget everything you don’t need to worry about. The show-runner so you can be the showstopper. Reach out to see if we have your date available!
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